MICHELE HAS AN OUTIE: I did not need to know that

April 22, 2010

Hello-o!

Do we all really need to know that Michele has an outie?  Can’t her handlers help her find clothes which will disguise her belly-button, or are we supposed to think that showing off your belly-button through your too clingy clothes is the latest fashion?

I mean, I have only seen someone’s outie were when the charity-case/ex-con receptionist at my last job got pregnant with her 4th child by a 4th man, and when Michele appeared on TV tonight.

What is with Michele? I mean, she has a big butt, and people from her ethnic group seem to appreciate that, so she does everything she can to copy J-Lo (even though she is quite a bit older than our latest slut role-model, and should know better)  I will ignore that.  (God gave me a big butt, too, but I dress to conceal my “endowment”, as I am not selling anything, and, I really am a Christian.)

Why do we need to know that she has an “outie”?  Is showing off one’s outie a fashion in her ethnic group, as well?

How come Michele can’t dress mainstream? I mean, we are not supposed to notice that black people are black when we are hiring, or when we are making friends, but then… does that mean that we should not notice that they are dressing in ways that are not mainstream as well?

I mean, if we are all supposed to be the same, shouldn’t we all strive to be the same?  The way I figure it, if you want to be accepted into the mainstream, you would want to do what the mainstream does (as opposed to offending or outraging the mainstream)

Obviously, Michele (and her husband, I think, by extension), want to change the face of America. Personally, I would prefer that Michele dress her age and work to show America how elegant women of any color dress. (how old are her handlers?  My guess is “under 30″).  I do not think it is the job of the First Lady to push the envelope where fashion is concerned; rather, I believe that the First Lady should give us all a guideline as to  how to dress conservatively and elegantly..)

MICHELE OBAMA’s GHASTLY DRESS

March 8, 2010

Michele Obama’s stylist should be shot.  If the stylist chose this abomination for Michele, then, first, she or he should be drawn and quartered, and, after that, each individual part should be shot several times.

If, on the other hand, Michele actually chose this ghastly dress, someone should tell her that she is not a Park Ave. trust fund teenager, and has no business wearing a mini skirt with a bulls-eye on her crotch (has anyone else noticed that she favors “crotch-focal” gowns?)

Why do the Obamas think that Michele should dress like a tart?

Or, is it that Michele does want to make other countries believe that our country has no sense of style, or that she wants to provide further negative attitude toward her husband (surely, he doesn’t approve of these whore-ish, tarty gowns his wife is wearing???  If he does, why , as women, do we want him leading our country?  Does he want his wife viewed as negatively as the tarts who come out of Eastern Europe?  Or is he trying to compete with that image?)

Somebody, please, show Michele how to dress like a First Lady, as opposed to a First Paid Bimbo.

WHAT’S UP WITH MICHELE’S APPEAL FOR HAITI?

February 7, 2010

How come Michele Obama’s appeal for the RedCross drive for help for Haiti is appearing only on an obscure cable channel (I’ve never seen this channel, and will probably never find it again, nor will I look for it.. I don’t even know what number it is right now, and I have little desire to find out because the show is so stupid)

How come no one has ever told Michele Obama how to appear on television in a promo — she looks like a zombie — yes, I know she is reading something, and it REALLY LOOKS LIKE SHE IS READING SOMETHING… come on.. .she only had 3 lines… couldn’t she remember them long enough to make the plug?  Is she that dumb, or does she just think we are… or else… is she a zombie… She sure looked like one… Those dead black eyes looking somewhere else than where the television audience was…

What’s up with that?  Is she a zombie?

At least, her hair looked like a decent low-rent pressed processed do (how come nobody has told her about the wonders Dominican stylists can do with curly hair?  Or is it that she really likes that low rent stiff processed do look?  I’m betting it costs her more than my Dominican straight do costs me in the high rent city of New York)  What is up with Michele?  Is she trying to glorify low rent?  She wears her clothes too tight, like she bought them before she put on all that weight, she wears a low-rent hairstyle, and she does her makeup as if she is going to a hip-hop club right after her appearance.  How come we can’t have a First Lady who looks like someone you can look up to if you are just a plain vanilla kind of American, not a hip-hop type or a welfare mother?

SOMEONE PLEASE HELP MICHELE OBAMA TALK TO THE CAMERA

January 17, 2010

Please, handlers, do not allow Michele Obama to talk to the camera until she learns how to look like she is talking to the people out here, and not like she is a robot.  I just saw her “help Haiti” thing, and it looked like somebody had recruited a zombie to stand in for Her Highness.  There was no eye contact, at all, not even with the script I would have expected she was reading.  Her eyes never contacted anywhere nor anyone (not even the camera-ographer).  It looked as if, either the person who was speaking was drugged and forced to speak, or else, was a robot in the shape of Michele Obama.

Since La Obama never appears to help any other group (oh, duh, no other group that has reached her ear is … uh….. ?Haitian colored?)  I am worried that this is a computer-generated broadcast… of course,  Michele Obama would not suddenly appear in favor of one group in need where she has ignored others, so it must be a CGI invented by some un-named, and un-identifiable deeply imbedded White House (or maybe NSA) agency.  Surely, the real fat (uh, I mean PHAT) Michele could not so cleverly imitate a robot.

MICHELE O SHUNS FUR – FOLLOWS CARLA BRUNI SARKOZY

June 11, 2009

No sooner did Carla Bruni Sarkozy announce she will wear no fur than Michele O. climbed on the bandwagon  (what about leather, ladies? I mean….???)

michele french dressAt least, someone has been helping Michele pick out more First Lady-appropriate clothing, which is more flattering to her figure, and, finally, a bit more modest (I mean, we do not need to see her cleavage and her knees and half-way up her skirt.  We do not need to see our First Lady  dressed in clothes that are so much too small for her that they pull, and look more like she bought them at the Salvation Army without trying them on, rather than that she had them hand-picked for her, or she chose them herself from her designers’ look-books)

I do hope those designs are from American designers!

EVEN THE NEW YORK POST AGREES WITH ME: Somebody Please Help Michele Obama Dress

April 2, 2009

This morning’s New York Post had an interesting commentary on Mrs. Obama’s outfit choice for meeting the Queen of England.

I swear, if I hear one more word about how Michelle Obama’s dresses come from J. Crew, I may scream. You and I cannot find those styles in our local stores or even on-line.  J. Crew must have a special designer for special people like Michele – those styles sure are not anything that we, the common folk, could ever find.  So, stop with the “Oh, it’s only J. Crew!”  a) I imagine that, if J. Crew is designing especially for Mrs. O, then they are either donating their fashions, or else charging designer prices for them; or b)J. Crew has some special designer line that most of us don’t know about and which is not priced along the same lines as the clothes that the rest of us see.

The Post article laid into Mrs. O’s seeming fascination with cardigans over everything.  All I can say is that the cardigans do help hide the First Lady’s flabby arms (Where, or where is the personal trainer that she so needs to do something about those “I am middle-aged and I have wings” arms she is so fond of showing off?).

Best of all, Serena French, the author of this Post article, brings up the most cogent question: Why hasn’t someone told Mrs. O. about jackets?  Jackets would allow for shoulder padding (to “flatter”, read “disguise”, those rounded, narrow shoulders of hers.    Although the cardigan, shell, below-the-knee skirt look is a definite improvement over what Mrs. O. was wearing, she could still do with a bit more of a professional, sleek look.  Jackets would give her a more polished look, disguise her figure faults, and make her look more like a First Lady, rather than just someone who came to work today at the White House.  It would not be necessary for Mrs. O. To wear a suit – there are many lovely jackets out there which can be rotated over almost an entire wardrobe.  All she needs is something to cover those shoulders and arms and distract from the waist/hip problem.

Where are the stylists that were around when I was that size, telling us what to wear to *disguise* our figure flaws and make us look more svelte, or at least less lumpy?

JUST A NOTE:   I know that many American women have, uh, shall we say, broad hips.  Heck, I used to have them.  Got them for a growing up present when I hit the magical middle age.  I got rid of mine, along with the weight that accompanied them.

Now, we hear all the time about how too many Americans are obese.  We keep hearing about how we should bring our weight down.  So, what is with the excitement of showing how fat Michele Obama is (and she is).  I don’t care if that is a cute thing in her ethnic group.  She is supposed to be giving all of us a role model.  What is this role model? Grow fat? Wear things that show off that fat?

I do know that it is difficult to take of that weight that crawls up on you as middle age takes over. I do.  I also know about dressing to disguise the fact that you’re fat (many people still tell me that they never realized I was as heavy as I was, simply because I dressed in a demure style, not designed to show off any body parts – there were no body parts that I wanted to brag about – certainly not my overly large backside.)  Now that I have dropped all the extra weight, I do sympathize with women who face this challenge, but I do not sympathize with women who do nothing to disguise the fact, or even seem to celebrate the fact, that they are overweight.

MICHELLE’S STYLE?: Inauguration Day and beyond

January 23, 2009

The dress which Michele Obama wore for the inauguration was “half-way better” than the other things she has been wearing.

Finally, someone told her to lower her hemlines!  Michele is not 25  years old. Her figure is not that of a 25-year-old, and she needs to get used to that.  Furthermore, since she is in Washington, DC, which is a conservative, basically Southern city (yeah, well, get over it — I grew up in the South; moved to DC and thought I was in the North; and then came to New York City, and realized that DC is a very lovely provincial Southern city, and that, furthermore, Washington, DC is a very conservative town — we might be able to avoid the “Southern”, if you like, but you will never be able to get past the “conservative” and “traditional”, and there is nothing wrong with that)

Establishment Washington does not really want to see the inside of Michele’s thighs (what we saw during the campaign was too much, too ugly, too disgusting — I am not a man, and women are the majority, population-wise, in this country, and, disregarding minority ideas about appropriate dress, I would say that most people in the country probably do not really want to see the inside of Michele’s thighs)

Thank heaven Michele’s designer lowered the hem on her inauguration day dress.

Now, I do not know whose idea it is for Michele Obama to wear empire line dresses — this a very big mistake.  The woman has a pear-shape and an empire line has never been good on pear shapes — it just calls attention to the biggest part, and gives an unbalanced look. (Now, if one is in a position where huge hips are the ideal, i.e., a working situation, that kind of dress might be considered a conservative come-on, but, if one is the First Lady, it is just a very sad fashion choice)  Fortunately, Michele’s designer included a coat which seemed to have padded shoulders (to accommodate the lady’s narrow shoulders aggravated by  poor posture), and balanced out the hip issue that the empire-line dress underneath would have emphasized.

Michele’s ball gown was superb, regardless of what anyone else says… okay, it was white, like a bride — well, she is the bride  of the President (yeah, she could have chosen another color, but, so what?  Isn’t the First Lady supposed to shine like diamonds?  Wouldn’t everyone have complained about any color she had chosen, anyway?)  The dress was one of the best she has ever worn in public — it emphasized her waist, and, with the full skirt, it de-emphasized her hips, making her look more balanced and formal.

The frocks that we have seen on Michele since she became First Lady have been much more appropriate than anything that we saw while she was on the campaign trail (some of us might have been tempted to wonder what the agenda of the Obama campaign was when we saw the Sharon Stone view a time too many — somebody please teach Michele how to close her FAT knees, and, if her thighs are too fat to let her close her fat knees, to wear longer skirts, which will be more graceful and less …. uh…. revealing. I do not really need to know the color of the First Lady’s undergarments!)  Michele’s new dresses have been mostly “shirt-waists”, meaning, they start at the neck (non-cleavage showing — we are NOT in Brazil, yes?), go fitted down to the waist, then, from the waist are gathered to accomodate her “ample hips”.The new dresses also go to a below knee length, more in keeping with the office which her husband holds, and with her age.  This style is more flattering to her pear-shaped figure, giving her a waistline, calling more attention to her shoulders and bustline (too bad she has such rounded shoulders — probably a result of being embarrassed about being tall — I, myself, at 5’10″ had to fight that one — Hey!, Michele! take some Pilates classes!!!)

The only thing I agree with the New York newspaper critics (who seem to think that the First Lady should wear fanny-exposing mini-dresses, while they, themselves, do seem more demure than that) is that the First Lady would do better in bright solid-color dresses.

So, some bright solid-color shirtwaist dressed with some very nice statement pieces of jewelry.  That would draw attention to her chest  area, and away from her hips (I don’t care what her ethnic group thinks is PHAT, Michele is supposed to be a representative of all American women, not just 12 %; she is the First Lady, and her hips do not need to be the first thing we notice.)

Let’s just face it. Regardless of what Michele’s gyn  says, she is at that age where her lower middle half is going to keep getting bigger, and the rest of her is going to follow it if she doesn’t do something about it.  Our bodies change as we grow older, and women in their 40s are in a precarious place, where hormones, or lack thereof,  conspire against us.  (We have choices, and some of us choose to continue our lifestyles and let nature do what it will, while others of us choose to revise our lifestyles and continue to enjoy a healthful lifestyle)

Michele should get herself a good conservative stylist who will dress her in clothes that will call attention to her good points – her height, her smile, and her skinny calves.  Meanwhile, it is time to get a personal trainer into the White House, so that Michele can tone up her arms and work on any other parts she thinks she is willing to tone up.  A nutritionist might also be in order, so that she can learn new ways to eat to effectively manage her “changing body” and hormonal changes..

MICHELE OBAMA NEEDS A STYLIST

January 20, 2009

Somebody please help Michele Obama.  She does not seem to understand yet that she is the wife of the new president, and that that means that she should present a conservative fashion style.  She does not seem to understand that Washington, DC is a conservative town.  She seems to think that she is still on the back streets of Chicago or wherever her imagined image of “poor girl done good” comes from (please note that I do not believe for a minute that she is a “poor girl done good” despite the fact that she has ZERO fashion sense)

I seriously pray that someone will get a knowledgeable stylist into Michele’s White House and help her understand that she can (as most of us with pear shapes do) work with her  pear-shaped figure in such a way as to make her look more proportional and less like she thinks no other part of body is important than her crotch (which she unfortunately emphasized at the nomination with that dress which made her look like she had had a terrible, terrible accident and should run quickly to the bathroom and then change her clothes.

Yes, the Obamas are bringing in a new change to the White House, but I pray that someone will help Mrs. Obama understand that, as the First Lady, she should represent  ALL of us, and not give our children the idea that they should  dress like expensive professionals.

Mrs. Obama obviously needs some education in how to dress outside of Chicago.  Actually, I do not know how they dress in Chicago, but, since she is my only example, I am thinking that she represents how black women in Chicago think they should look when they dress up (As a pear shaped woman, I really do not think that any other women (of any other ethnic group) would consciously choose to dress the way she does with a figure like hers.)

SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP MICHELE OBAMA DRESS LIKE A REAL-LIFE FIRST LADY, not like a nouveau riche “girl done good”.

Hello world!

January 20, 2009

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